lorisandsteven

Blogs and facebook are soooo.......

2011-07-24T18:20:00.000-06:00

I think it has taken awhile for the social media thingy to mutate enough that I can handle it.
I am definitely a slow learner, and generally speak before I think, so it is a good thing that everyone seems to be catching on to the etiquette of social media also.
Some things I have noticed:

People do seem to be trying to speak more by looking you in the eye, and not while they are texting someone else.
Seldom do I read a complete "burn" on Facebook anymore. People are catching on that it always gets back to the intended victim and generally gets worse!
I, and a whole lot of other people are starting to grasp the idea that just because someone doesn't comment on your blog doesn't mean they haven't read what you said.
I finally understand that no one wants to hear our greivances or look at our dirty laundry; everyone has their own, and just want to laugh, not be reminded that they have a less than perfect life.

I love the world through a toodlers eyes. Everything is new and exciting....

With fun things to learn every day.
I think 50 can be the same way....

So, here is my new list of things I want to do before I turn 60:

Go to college
enter an art contest
go to the Hogwarts thingy in Florida
See the broadway play "wicked"

Well anyway, it's a start!

It's a wonderful life!

2011-05-25T08:52:00.000-06:00

The second annual goat races were a success!

We gave new meaning to the term "goatheads"

Here is the future Mr. & Mrs. Goat, I mean Prince.

Donny helped everyone color about 6 dozen eggs.

Haylee, Paige and Addy waiting for their heat to begin in the easter egg Hunt.

Emily and her kids were among the many who enjoyed the redrocks with her family.

Kylee and Luke had fun together for their first Easter.

Stephanie and Josh and Erin and Cody add feathers and color to their goats.

Fun was had by......most!

Author! Author!

2010-10-08T17:16:00.000-06:00

This young man is well on his way to be a published author. He has been working on several stories for many years, but the new idea he has is so creative and brilliant that I am inspired to get my own ideas finally down on paper.(well, not paper exactly, but memory space)
It is fun to see and hear about his progress, and to see him beleive in himself as he realizes his dreams!
Good Luck layne, and thanks for the inspiration!

Prince Charming

2010-10-01T09:35:00.000-06:00

Every little girl dreams of finding her Prince Charming, but somewhere along the way we accept that the dream is just a fairytale.
I have been so blessed that I live in that fairytale where a real prince came and rescued me and we are working on our happily ever after.
Today is my Princes 52nd birthday, and in honor of him I want to share pictures of why he is the love of my life.

He has always been willing to swim with the kids and grandkids.

He went to school full time while working fulltime and still took care of my crippled Uncle.

He is great at driving long distances without getting tired, and will listen to my Harry Potter CD's!

These little girls were in his primary class and they were always excited to tell him about their lives.

He loves all his grandchildren and they know it!

He took great care of my Dad while he was alive.

We are a family because of him!

He can sleep anywhere!

He is always supportive.

Happy Birthday to the best Husband, Father and friend!

Fall......ish

2010-09-28T11:17:00.000-06:00

I have not truly enjoyed the Fall most of my life.
When the first hints of crisp air and cool nights hit I start to feel a little down.
I used to tell myself it was because winter was on it's way and I HATE winter.
After recently attending two funerals, and spending too much windshield time with myself, I realize that Fall represents death.
I was pretty young when death first affected me deeply. It was Fall in Montana when my little sister Nanette was born dead, and I was pretty sure Mom was going to die too. We went for a ride to look at the fall colors and she wept the whole time.
I have grown to love Fall colors, but have never looked deep enoughto realize why Autumn made me feel uncomfortable.
Now I live somewhere that Autumn doesn't mean a dreadful winter is on it's way and I am looking forward to the season.
I am not sure it will ever be my favorite season, but I will not dread it anymore.
Spring is my favorite season, full of hope and life and new possibilities.
What is your least favorite season, and why?

The milk of human kindness

2010-09-26T22:26:00.000-06:00

The milk of human kindness
although served, must be received;
By a heart that's willing to be changed.

The cruelties of the human tongue
that spill out, unbidden yet taken;
burn like acid on a heart yet tender.

When a heart then turns to stone;
left to want for love unseen;
seems to beat a steady pattern'
protecting self from hurt or pain.

The milk of human kindness
washes over burns and stains,
healing all the scars of longing
turns the stone to heart again.

Let my wanderings in this life path
serve the milk that heals and soothes
Let my own heart; now less stony
beat a hopeful, rising sound.

The milk of human kindness
is not taken but received
and the giver of that kindness
heals his own and greatest need.

CRRRaazy!

2010-09-07T20:50:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time there was a mommy who wanted to be a better mommy. She was tired of the disorganization and clutter of her life and was sorry that her children seemed to not fit in with the other children because she was organizationally challenged. This mommy struggled with boring repetition in housework, but she excelled in creativity and fun.
She had this tremendously wonderful idea to make sack lunches waaayyy ahead of time, stocked with all the fun things she thought she would have liked to have in her sack lunches.
She also put together outfits for her 3 boys and plastic wrapped them together so that they would always have matching socks, clean underwear and wrinkle free clothes.
Of course, the naughty children scavenged the tasty treats from the lunch bags so that by the end of the month all that was left in the bags were carrots. Really! I am not making this up!
Obviously the lunch bags were not the only scavenge victims, because little boys do NOT want to be told what to wear. Plastic wrap everywhere and lunchbags full of carrots.
The Mommy went back to her old ways of playing games for jobs and the now famous "spelling bee" for jobs.
"Organization", she said "is craaazy!"

su stain

2010-09-03T21:32:00.001-06:00

It's funny how when you are young you think diferently about church callings. I watched as our sweet new Bishops wife struggled with tears and emotions on Sunday and contrasted that to the first counselors wife and me as we sat non- plussed as our husbands went to sit on the stand. Afterwards we talked about how much we needed to be there for her because she has 5 young children. All of our children are grown. Interestingly enough however, her life is really less stressful then ours, she just doesn't know it because she is in that phase where life is so fast-paced but you still have some hope that you can control your kids, your schedule and the time you and your husband spend with each other.
As people came up to "congratulate" us after the meeting, I found myself feeling quite odd, not awed. How do you respond when someone is basically treating you as if there is something special about you because your husband accepted a calling?
At this point in our lives, we have had quite a few callings, in quite a few different capacities. We understand more now, then ever the concept of "Whom the Lord calls, he qualifies". This quote from a prophet has profound meaning, and I find it almost hysterically funny when unknowing but well meaning people are sad when they didn't get called, or feel like those who were called are somehow different or special.
The Lord "qualifying" you means that you might eventually be equal to the task if you allow the master to take charge of your life. I think it ridiculous when people assume a Bishop or other church leader is perfect, has perfect judgement, or has done something particularly outstanding that caused them to "get" their calling.
Okay, that said, I do appreciate the opportunity to support the Bishop and his family as he serves the people of our ward.
I love to serve, but truly, I love teaching Sunday School as much as I do being the Young women's president. I am sure when I was young I thought it would nice to be relief Society President. (What was I smoking?) I would be terrified now if that calling ever came, and I have to laugh at myself when I imagine the me who thought callings meant you were somehow "justified".
Whether you give me congrats or condolences, it is all the same. Steven will serve well, and I will certainly try. Next time someone is put into a leadership position, the right thing to say just might be," I will certainly sustain you and do all I can to help you serve well."
Of course, I am the woman who says dumb things to pregnant women, that I hated to be told me when I was pregnant. Some of us are slow learners.

mmmm

2010-08-14T15:10:00.001-06:00

That was the sound of me waking up this morning and realizing my flu was over!
Emily cleaned my kitchen for me this morning too!
Truly though, what was the turning point in my illness was the wingstop garlic parmesan wings she brought to my sick room.
3 wings of pure garlic heaven. If that wasn't going to cure me, nothing was!

In-flu-en-za

2010-08-12T10:38:00.000-06:00

It all started with a nagging sore throat that I was determined to ignore......
The fever is the worst thing because i can't get comfy because I ache all over. The headache has stayed minimal as long as I keep my body full of ibuprofen.
Today, I also am dizzy, nauseated and still have the D word that I had yesterday that I hoped would go away.
I keep thinking I should take the time to update my blog.
I have really lost my joy in blogs, and it is because I used them as a vehicle to rant about my bitter feelings. Yech! (I am sure that is not the way to spell that)
Somehow, I have to get over the feeling that life should be fair. I truly used to be a positive person, but I have become cynical, insensitive, and cranky! It is amazing to me that in 1 short year I have become this..... snarky, cry baby.
I do not want to blog about why.
I know why, and I still feel upset about it. I just am sure that it will never change.
My emotion is resignation, I guess.
Influenza has made me stop from my busy life and LOOK at my life.
I have numerous blessings, and remarkably, plenty of friends.
I guess my emotion is also sadness. I am going to move on...... without the person I have been mad, worried, and snarky about.
I have not passed my test, and it will take some work on my part to remove the bitterness.

I know I can do it.
I already am looking forward to my new life, my new heart.
What i need now is rest.

Invitations

2010-07-23T23:38:00.000-06:00

If I was going to throw a party,
Who would I like to bring?
I am sure I would invite Kristi,
Because then I could have her sing.

If I was going to have a party,
Who would I want to take?
I would definitely want to take Dennis,
He makes the best chocolate cake.

If I were to throw a shindig,
And email my friends on the net,
I'd be careful to invite peacemakers
and then I wouldn't have to fret.

I think I'm going to have a party
I'll rent a sound system with a PA
then if people come uninvited
I can call for the CVDA!

Todays blog is brought to you by the letter "B"

2010-07-23T23:28:00.000-06:00

Before you begin reading this blog you should bring up some of my old blurbs and be totally bewildered by the baggage that seems to be handled on here.
Basically; blogging is meant to be benign random thoughts that beautify the readers day by bringing joy and laughter to a blighted world. This, is only true of bloggers who only have small woes to banty back and forth. Truly bright bloggers can also use blogs to bring out their banal thoughts and meanderings in a way that leaves the reader begging for more.
By and large, my blogging has taken on a bitter tone that is just begging for readers (if any are left) to basically roll their eyes and tell me to quit being a .......
Did I mention that todays blog is brought to you by the letter B?

Thanks Mom!

2010-06-19T13:27:00.001-06:00

Thanks Mom for having me
for all the lessons you taught me
for helping me to laugh at my mistakes
and crying with me through all the pain
You are the best!

I choose.....

2010-05-26T21:52:00.000-06:00

“Agency—our power to choose—is fundamental to the gospel plan that brings us to earth. God does not intervene to forestall the consequences of some persons’ choices in order to protect the well-being of other persons—even when they kill, injure, or oppress one another—for this would destroy His plan for our eternal progress (compare Alma 42:8). He will bless us to endure the consequences of others’ choices, but He will not prevent those choices ....-Thomas S. Monson

I choose to live my life-
I choose to be Content and at peace with the knowledge that I will not be held accountable for someone elses choices.
I choose to move away from the destructive behaviour of others.
I choose to have joy.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

2010-05-22T15:12:00.000-06:00

Could it be that it's time for a real change?

2010-05-14T15:32:00.000-06:00

I wanted to blog a little bit about what's going on in the world right now so that we won't forget.
A 4 YEAR OLD BOY WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED BY HIS STEP DAD. His Mom was apparently gone when it happened, but when she found out she helped her new husband mutilate his body and hide it, and then lie about him wandering off.
Yes, this is a depressing topic, but I want to think out loud a minute about some of the less obvious questions one might ask. Was the maternal grandma aware there might be problems? Her phone interview that was aired is a Mom pleading for people to understand that her daughter is a good person who does bad things. Why do we insist on protecting the wrong people? Family members sure get p'd off if you don't cover for them. They get the rest of the family all bent out of shape and help everyone take a "detour" from what really is the problem. It is easy to make the case of protecting a 4 year old after he is dead, but I bet if someone in the family (not the paternal side) blew the whistle before hand they would have been made to be the bad guy. I am so sick to death of people thinking that it is "'Christlike" to turn the other cheek when your family is involved in wrong doing. I am so very much DONE with letting people make me feel guilty that I have a problem with everything from theft, embezzlement, lying, emotional child abuse, child neglect, and people not feeling comfortable with "confrontation and conflict". SCREW IT! I WILL voice my opinion, and I WILL be doing something about stuff that I feel is inappropriate.
Deal with it, or be prepared to face an Earthly judge, because I am done with not having a voice!

mamma mia- here I go again!

2010-05-08T10:19:00.002-06:00

Motherhood.

The most important thing about Motherhood is that it goes beyond the grave-
beyond the last thing you hear someone say-
beyond the last time you had a hug-
beyond the words you wish they could hear.

First time Motherhood-

Scary, exciting, momentous, a friend for life, never completely alone again, someone to talk too, eternal perspective, linked by biology, geneology, and love.

Motherhood lessons-

Teaching, nurturing, showing.

Giggles, make beleive, friendship.

Motherhood Milestones

Births, deaths, birthdays, holidays, firsts, school, talents, competitions, vacations, visiting, graduations, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses,

GRANDCHILDREN!

Special Mothers/daughters

Melissa- First grandchild-responsible, caring, hard worker, scriptures, family home evening, friend, fun, smart, beautiful, sarcastic, creative, non confrontational, humble, happy.

Emily- Kind, thoughtful, determined, compassionate, fun, beautiful, worrier, nostalgic, brave, listener, dependable, quick thinker, problem solver,creative, good example.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suzanne- Suzy-Q, artistic, talented, laid back, patient, fun, beautiful, conscientious, self conscious, playful, good memory, analytical, intelligent, trend setter, generous.

Lessons I learned from my Mother-

All you can do is your best

Say what you mean and mean what you say

Leave the judging up to the Lord

Things all work out- one way or another

___________

Lessons I learned from my daughters:

*************************

Never give up

What goes around comes around

Just kidding means- just kidding

anyone can change- given enough time

don't hold grudges

wierd is just that- weird

kids are listening when you think they aren't

Doing your best is accepted- and good enough!

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Happy Mother's Day Melissa, Emily and Suzanne

I wish I could be with you in person, I am still with you in spirit.

I love you, pray for you and am constantly amazed by you!

Love,

MOM

lorisandsteven: How do I Lynn thee? Let me count the ways!

2010-05-01T22:57:00.000-06:00

lorisandsteven: How do I Lynn thee? Let me count the ways!

How do I Lynn thee? Let me count the ways!

2010-05-01T22:54:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday Lynn!

So much has changed over the years....

But so much has stayed the same!

Your captivating smile...

Your boyish charm....

Your ability to take credit for someone elses catch.. j/k

We love you!

Happy Birthday!

My Melissa

2010-04-25T22:09:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is the 31st anniversary of one of the most important events of my life.

Even though I was only 17 when she was born, my mothers instinct kicked right in, and changed my life forever.

It was because of my desire for Melissa to have a better life, and that I was concerned for her eternity, that I had the courage to change the course our lives were taking.

She has always been a good example to me.

Even in her teenage years, she was kind, and was always quick to apologize.

She weathered my lack of experience and skill and somehow survived my on the job training.

Melissa , happy birthday! I love you very much!

it's hard to say

2010-04-24T15:59:00.000-06:00

It's hard to say where i was
When i knew that there would never be another
i had glimpses over time
but
now i know

The parable of the corporation

2010-04-13T07:04:00.000-06:00

Once there was a wealthy man who decided to let others invest in his corporation. Many people wanted to be a part of his growing company which was very successful and famous.
The people who invested a lot with the corporation found that they had a voice in helping to make some of the companies decisions. When the company was doing well, dividends were paid to the investors. When the company didn't do as well, the investors didn't make as much money.
Many of the investors beleived so strongly in the company that they reinvested there dividends. Some investors were angry with the company and sold all of their shares and loudly complained that the corporation, had misled them.
Some even complained that the wealthy man who started the company had put too many rules in place and the unfairness had caused them to not do as well as others. They felt that they were entitled to more of the dividends even though they weren't willing to invest the minimums to qualify for higher gains.
One day it was discovered that an officer of the board had embezzled money from the corporation. The officer felt like the money was owed to him because of the long hours he had worked. He felt like he had worked harder than the other officers and had been doing more than his share.
The officer was fired from the company and became bitter and blamed the wealthy man for his problems. The wealthy man, who had trusted the officer, and had considered him a friend did not press charges. The officer still was bitter and did all in his power to turn the shareholders against the wealthy man. He said that the wealthy man was too controlling and had not treated him fairly.
Many of the other officers on the board stood behind the wealthy man, but to no avail. The dishonest officer had turned the shareholders opinion and they demanded that the wealthy man be removed from the board of directors.

How many of us expect dividends without investing? How many of us blame others when things aren't going our way? It is easy for us to feel we are entitled, or to think that rules, or people are too controlling or demanding.

Our Heavenly Father blesses us every day, and yet we demand more dividends without investing more through prayer, and service.

Goats and ......

2010-04-06T00:25:00.000-06:00

First we had to choose and decorate our goat.

Some people picked a theme (this is the Harry Potter goat)

Then we displayed our goats and let everyone admire them.

Some people were cutting out extra goats

And then it was time for pictures:

Then a parade

And then the races!

Fun was had by all!

Put the 2nd annual goat race on your calender for next year!

The measure

2010-03-29T13:05:00.000-06:00

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)

American civil rights leader

The lamentations of Jeremiah

2010-03-27T12:17:00.000-06:00

Chapter 1 Verse 21
They have heard that I sigh: There is none to comfort me: all mine enemies have heard of my trouble; they are glad that thou hast done it: thou wilt bring the day that thou hast called, and they shall be like unto me.

This is where I am in my scripture study today. Jerusalem is about to be destroyed, and many of the people have already been carted off as prisoners. Jeremiah writes as if Jerusalem herself is complaining of her sorrow and grief at the wickedness of her people.

I am thankful that we do not need to be desolate or without hope as Jerusalem thought they were. If we reconcile ourselves with Jesus Christ we will not just be saved, (which is so completely awesome just by itself) but we can also enjoy the blessings of exaltation with our families.

We need to remember the formula-
Be reconciled unto Christ +Enter into the narrow gate + Walk in the strait path + Endure to the end

We were put here in families to help each other, and sometimes all we feel we can do is to pray for those family members. Recently I was reminded that I need to keep praying even when it seems that there is no hope of reconciliation with each other. I pray to "remember" my feelings of compassion and love. I pray that my loved one will reach out to us and ask. Yes, that is how it needs to happen.

In John 3:21:
But he that doeth truth cometh to the light that his deeds may be manifest that they are wrought in God.

Some things have to be brought to the light in order for the reconciliation with Jesus to take place.

In Isaiah 29: 15
Woe unto them that seek deep to hide their counsel from the Lord, and their works are in the dark, and they say, WHo seeth us? and who knoweth us?

Yes, we WILL forgive. We will forgive because it is a commandment, we will forgive so that we can be forgiven, we will forgive even if not asked for forgiveness. We will remember the promises made, and we will continue in Hope, truth, light and Faith.

2 Chronicles 7: 14
If my people which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn away from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and heal their land.

Sometimes confessing is a scary thing, but must be done bandaid style. We should Just do it. Ask, and be surrounded with more sweet love then you have felt in your whole life.

No more desolation. No more lamentations.

Peace Love JOY!

Viva Las Vegas

2010-03-25T22:43:00.000-06:00

My Friend Fatima is always looking out for me. She knew I had training in Las Vegas at the same time that she had to be in Vegas, so she invited me to stay with her in a suite at the Paris resort.

She is in charge of setting up a big event for our company, so she was being pampered and I got to go along for the ride!

We got to go to a show at the Imperial Palace: Human Nature, which is a celebration of motown hits performed by an Austrailian group that was really good!

I had fun shopping at Bally's, eating at yummy restaraunts and sleeping in a comfy bed.

I want to go back!

Easter Anticipation

2010-03-22T09:41:00.000-06:00

I have always loved Easter time, for sooo many reasons. Growing up in Montana, the allure of Spring and warmer temperatures was one of them.
I can't say that Spring flowers were always out in Montana at Easter, (we're probably talking May sometimes)

And of course, Mom always sewed us matching new Easter dresses.
We got tons of Easter candy and spents hours coloring eggs.
Easter Sunday was always a time for a special easter program at church, a wonderful Ham dinner with extended family,and Granny's potato salad.
Over the years we have have kept many of those same traditions adding a few from Stevens family. (The easter bunny HIDES the baskets)

Last year was our first Easter in St. George and I decided quickly that the Easter Holiday would be my holiday. (Go ahead and celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving with your in-laws, but bring me my grandchildren on Easter!) My spring flowers were blooming in February and hopefully a few will still be blooming next week when the troops come.
Last year we had a fun Easter and we started a new tradition of the first Nana Easter egg hunt. It rained so we had to have it in-doors.

We still colored eggs, had the Easter story about Jesus and had a big Easter meal. The grandkids had their new Easter clothes, and some of us went to church.

I wanted to add another new tradition, and we finally found one. Our son-in-law Hayden is from Tobago, and they have a very fun easter tradition there.

--------(Now you know where it is)

This is Haylee when she got to visit Tobago with her dad last year.

In Tobago on Easter they race goats! They have a parade, and then race goats. This year will be our first annual St. George goat races! (cardboard goats on sticks)

So, are you coming?

Crazy street

2010-03-16T14:08:00.000-06:00

So, Steven bought me a psuedo bluetooth since my arm always hurts from talking on my cell phone so much.
Luke taunted me with nick names like "robot".
I now only use it when I am alone in my car.

I am constantly thinking Steven is talking to me when he is using his blue tooth.

People in the store just think he is crazy.

I have decided that "crazy" has many faces.

You know, we really don't know when we might have pushed someone too far. "Going Postal" has seemed to spread everywhere lately.

Today Steven and I went to a CE class and as I sat down I noticed that the "somebody" across the room was someone I had recently fired. They didn't take it well, and after much screaming (on their part) and door slamming,(also their part) I was pretty sure I would have to call security. (Which I don't think exists at our home office where we were.)

I was not in the mood for "crazy" today so I slipped out of class and let Steven get all the CE credit.

Why was I running scared from crazy today? We have plenty of crazy in our life:

Crazy Schedules, crazy diets, crazy sleep patterns....... you probably get the picture.

I am so emotionally tired from all the "crazy" that I couldn't handle one more crazy.

Of course, we do live on Crazy street!

Saturday, March 12, 2010

2010-03-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

Dennis and Leslie took us to IHOP for dinner lastnight. We always have so much fun with them, but last night was especially fun because of the long week we had. The waitress was taking our drink order, and normally we all say ice water because pop is so expensive (and not that healthy). Our coupons said we had to order beverages, so we all ordered except Dennis who was having a hard time deciding. Finally he said to the waitress, "I'll probably have sprite." We laughed about that so he said to her, "I guess I'll know for sure when you bring it." So the whole night was "probably" filled after that. After dinner we went to Les and Dennis' to play five crowns.(a fun card game). Again it was a laugh riot, probably due to how tired we all were.
It was after midnight when we got home, so I planned on staying in bed long into the morning. At 7 A.M. I was awake with the encouragement from the spirit to get up and see how much I could get accomplished. I almost succumbed to sleep, but the spirit was very encouraging so I got up.
It is 10:00 A.M., and I have accomplished sooo much. My YW lesson is prepared, my house is cleaner, and I feel so much better than I have all week.
I have often thought of the Holy Ghost as a comforter, warning voice etc, but today he was motivational!

Detachment

2010-03-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

My Mom told me one time about a coping skill that she had used over the years.
I don't know if she told anyone else about it, so I thought I would share her words of wisdom.
If you have been following the "perils of Princelife saga" (known as crazyland to Joey) you will understand why I have been thinking about coping skills. (You also may be needing them yourself)
[Before I go on, I want to comment that I know my writing skill is full of fragments and incomplete sentences.]
For obvious reasons, I am not going to tell you why My Mom and I were having a conversation about coping skills, but anyone who knows her, knows what a great teacher she is.
She said that at one time she had tried to cope by trying to not love the certain individuals as much. (esentially trying to bury the emotion.) She realized that this wasn't the answer and instead tried the opposite of loving them more. She prayed for them, tried to give them the benefit of a doubt, and always tried to put herself in their shoes. I love her so much for this, because this is basically how she raised us and taught us. It was easy sometimes to put her very high on a pedestal because she seemed quite perfect in so many ways.
About a year before she died she shared with me some insights on the pain she had felt in certain situations. I was surprized. I am not sure I had thought about how deeply she felt some pain because she was so good about not over reacting; not judging. I learned from her that detachment, (although necessary at times in order to cope,) in the end hurts us. She really didn't like confrontation, so she ended up keeping a lot of hurt inside. We know that stress causes illness, disease and cancer.
So, in closing I ask one favor; if you are coping with a stressful situation by detaching yourself, pull off the bandage and take care of the situation. So what if we end up srceaming, crying or hearing something we would rather not hear, detachment only breeds pain.

Epiphany

2010-03-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

Max: You're my Grandma, nana.
Me: Yep! (I am surprized by this because just last week he insisted I was NOT his grandma like his Grandma Cakes, but just his Nana)
Max: You are!
Me: I know, what are you going to call me now?
Max: Hmmm
Me: Grandma Prince?
Max: (giggles)
Me: Just Nana?
Max: NO WAY!
Me: Just Grandma?
Max: (after thinking a minute) You are Grandma Nana!

Dreamscape

2010-03-04T21:59:00.001-07:00

You know, I have always been a dreamer.
Sometimes it was pretty easy for me to know when a dream didn't mean anything because I ate something weird, was stressed about something or my sub conscience was having fun with me.
Once in awhile however, I would have a dream that I knew meant something.
It might be a warning, a message or just comfort.
Sometimes they were just plain scary.
Often, the dreams I had would come true. Once I had a dream where I was warned about something that would happen and the next morning it happened but because of the dream I made a choice that changed the outcome of the situation.
When my Mom was dying, my sister Leslie told her to come back and visit. Leslie thinks it would be great to have conversations with our loved ones from the other side.
Not me.
I asked my Mom if she would just visit me in my dreams.
She said she would, and she has been true to her word.
It has been 4 years in June since my Mom passed away, and she has come to me several times.
It is different than just a regular dream because there is a conscienceness that is different. The very first time it happened, I think she was just as surprized as me. After my dad died, she came to me again in a dream and he was with her and he seemed surprized. I love when these visits happen, she always makes me feel loved.
Dreams were something that my Mom and I shared before she died. She had a special gift and could tell you what your dream meant.
I wish she were here to interpret last nights very scary dream.
My sister was in anguish and I was begging her to make some different decisions than she has been making before it is too late. This horrible, scary, evil looking spirit stepped out from behind her and was convincing her to not do what was right. He had complete control over her.
I woke up so sad for her because now I wonder if that dream was warning me that she isn't mentally ill like I have been thinking, but totally being thrashed by an evil spirit.
When I told Steven this dream this morning, he said I should blog about it to get it out of my system because it had me so upset.
In bible times, evil spirits plagued people. Do we really think that just went away, or do you think maybe they have found ways to not be recognized as evil spirits? Isn't it possible that bi-polar is evil spirits?
Have you had a dream that you felt was a message?

Ditty

2010-03-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hum dee dee Hum dee dee
Here is a little ditty
That is just itty bitty
humm dee dee Hum dee dee

If you're feeling pretty low
or day day just feels slow
think of this silly post
Hum dee dee Hum dee dee

There's a riddle hidden in these words
On first glance it seems absurd
The puzzle is right here
Hum dee dee Hum dee dee

Don't give up
or you'll be lost
solve the rhyme at any cost
though you hate to be bossed
Hum deee dee Humm dee dee

Here's a ditty that seemed so small
when in truth it's not at all
neither ditty- neither small
neither lost-no not at all
Humm dee dee dee Hum dee dee
Hum dee dee dee Hum dee dee

Death, where is thy sting?

2010-02-27T23:47:00.000-07:00

So, I am in a manager meeting on Friday, holding my arm to try to stop the pain. I am listening to my boss and not really focusing on WHY my arm is hurting. Suddenly I feel overwhelmed and I feel like I might cry. I do a quick check of myself and my surroundings.
Is anything happening to me to make me feel like crying? No. The pain in my arm is not going away, but I don't think it has anything to do with my emotion. I am tired though. I made the mistake of drinking Suzy's energy schtuff the day before and could not get to sleep the night before.
Okay, the pain is getting worse. Did I pull a muscle? It was aching the night before when I was holding my cell phone.
I check through the heart attack for women list in my head. At the bottom of the list is the explanation of womens symptoms aren't necessarily ever the same or specific.
I think about my sister spending a couple of days in the hospital thinking she is having a heart attack.
I tell myself I am just going to deal with the ache. No way am I going to go to the hospital, so everyone can think I am trying to get sympathy or something.
Is that why more women die from heart attacks I wonder?
This train of thought starts to get me thinking about a family situation that usually makes me feel helpless and frustrated.
I try to focus on the meeting.
I start to sweat a little and think about my brother-in-law and how he looked when he was having heart attack #3 since I was in the room with him and my sister at the beginning of it. I try to get in touch with my feelings to see if the Holy Ghost is warning me to go to the hospital. Nothing. We go on a break and I swallow 4 ibuprofen. Should I go look for an aspirin?
I come to grips with the fact that if I die, my YW presidency will be okay pulling off new beginnings without me.
6 hours later I am at a bowling alley paying for 6 games with my brother Jody. I swallow 4 more ibuprofen and tell myself to buck up. I bowl a crappy 6 games in a row!
It's 1 A.M. before I fall asleep, my arm still aching.
As I write this, my arm is still aching, although not as strong as when I was in the meeting. I have decided it is muscular and I need to just rest it. So what would be so bad about dying?
Steven called me on my way home to tell me there was an 8.8 earthquake in Chile today. Marie Osmonds son committed suicide today. Japan is braced and waiting to see if it will have a devastating tsunami soon. I find myself thinking about death. My death. It could be tonight suddenly when I find out I have been having a heart attack the last 3 days. My death could be in 52 years on my 100th birthday and I am still complaining about my aching arm as I fall asleep and never wake up. Maybe I will die from boredom if I have to listen to CNN say the same newscast over and over while I wait for the tsunami news. Maybe my death will be an accident when I fall asleep in the bathtub and drown or an on purpose when my nemisis finally snaps and realizes that I am definitely her worst nightmare and I'm not going away.
The point of my long ramble is that it doesn't really matter. Death to me is like giving birth. It isn't the death I fear but the pain that might happen while I am waiting for the release. I have a friend who just had a c section after 3 days of active labor. Is it just me, or do you think too that with today's technology they could have called that one in the first 12 hours? I have hope that if I die before Steven, my heaven guide won't leave me to suffer too long, but if Steven dies first and they send him to get me..... I'm just sayin'....He usually isn't in too big of a hurry.

Know your number

2010-02-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

So, as my headache reaches day 3 I realize that it is never going to go away.
It has settled down to a dull pain, so I am trying to get caught up on my housework. I have wasted most of last week by not being focused on some accomplishments.
I had my regular work stuff, but found myself having too much computer time, mostly facebook.
Lastnight I was watching the Vancouver Olympics and the athletes keep saying "Know your number"
They of course are talking about a time they want to beat or a distance they want to acheive.
So, this morning my # is 100! I want to accomplish 100 things on my to do list.
I am having an olympic day!
So far I am on # 18 which is "update my blog"
My list includes housework, church work, personal junk and Farm Bureau work.

Steven and Luke are out in the rain working on Lukes car. It feels cold today even though I know that the 43 degree temp would seem warm if we still lives in Price.
I have daffodils in bloom and the rain is welcome since the sprinklers aren't on yet.
Steven got up early to go to the scouting "pow wow" since he is the assistant scout master. I don't know where he gets his patience with those 12 year old boys. I have gotten less patient as I have aged, and that is not a good thing.

Well, on to job # 19 which is fix a toasty lunch for Steven and Luke.
What is YOUR number?

It's all how you look at it!

2010-02-17T22:13:00.001-07:00

So, I have been thinking about how cool it would be if I really could just ACT and not REACT.
How is it that you can be having a normal, ok day and one phonecall, or one look, or one facebook comment can change that normal day into either a horrible day, or a wonderful day?
It is the power of your own personal perspective.

Is the glass half full or half empty?

It might depend on who I have been hanging around with, how much sleep I have had, or what I ate before I went to bed.

If I have spent very much time with my sister Leslie, for instance, I will be more apt to be positive. She allows me to be myself and encourages me to feel joy. We are into not sweeping things under the rug, but looking things head on, dealing with them and then having peace and joy.
Because I can be my self around her, I tend to be my best self.

How you begin

looking at things can certainly affect how you look at them in the end!

These are the official rose colored glasses! Personally, even though I like pink, it would be annoying to only see things rosey!

So there is, in my opinion, a problem with not seeing things how they are. I don't think this is being pessimistic, just realistic.

How else can you have empathy for others if you don't think anything is ever wrong?

So.......

Perspective is a personal thing......if we let it be.

But if everything you saw was just from one perspective....

life would be - boring!

So be yourself and wear tennis shoes with a formal if you want to-

Keep your eyes open and see things how they are!

Most importantly,

Don't let other people's actions mess up your day!

Monday, February 15, 2010

2010-02-15T12:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was re-released from being the music chairman/ward chorister. I say re-released because they already released me about a month after I was called to be YW president and the lady they were calling said no. I have been subbing for 3 months, and although I haven't minded doing it (I have to be there anyway) I was surprized that I felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. I am glad that I got over my fear of doing music stuff in front of everyone.

Yesterday was valentines day and Steven gave me roses, candy, a Dixie Direct coupon book and a card that he had written his feeling in. I stood and cried as I read the card.

journalling

2010-02-13T16:38:00.000-07:00

I used to keep a journal on a regular basis. I could write details about how I felt, what happened during the day, and minutia about the price of a gallon of milk.
Somewhere along the way I decided that I couldn'y write details anymore because I was soooo stressed out that having to think about it and write it down was just too much.
What a shame that I didn't make myself write about the hard stuff.
Leslie and I were trying to find some info about January 1981 yesterday so I was searching through some of my old journals. Just like my Mom I have several journals with 5or 6 pages written in them. We both have others, but it made me smile to realize that just like me Mom would stop writing and then try to get back into it later.
I liked the blogging idea because it was random and I didn't necessarily have to write details about my life. But what the heck? How much value is there really in my randomness?
Wouldn't it be nice if I had written about:
The pain of divorce for instance- maybe that would have been helpful to Melissa to be able to read how I felt.
I didn't write about how I felt when our first son died. I didn't write about the peace that the Holy Ghost brought me at my lowest hour.
The joys I felt as each new tiny grandchild was born so that someday they could read how I felt about them individually as I held them for the first time.

Last Thursday as Steven and I were on a business trip, we talked about writing a book together. He has been working on an idea for quite awhile, and I have pages of outlines that I have written over the years.
I was surprized when he told me he knew his character needed to have a love interest and it made me surprized. (Which is a good thing after 29 years of marriage)
I love working for the same company as him because I can hardly stand the thought of living or working away from him again.

Leslie and Dennis leave tomorrow to go back to Pleasantview. I will miss her so much! It's a good thing we have cell phones! While they were here this time we got to go to the temple and do initiatory work, we went to dinner, lunch and a movie. I hope they sell their house right away so they can live her every day!

It was in the 50's today so I got to weed a little outside while Em's kids played on the lawn.

2010-02-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

Alice: Which road should I take?

Cheshire Cat: That depends, where are you going?

Alice: I don't care where.

Chesire Cat: Then it doesn't matter which road you take!

Lori: Which road should I take?

Cheshire cat: That depends, where are you going?

Lori: That's the problem, I want to go a lot of places.

Cheshire cat: If you don't know where you're going, it doesn't matter which road you take.

Lori: Fine! I will decide where I want to go!

nuff said?

My Nature

2010-02-04T18:42:00.001-07:00

The word nature is derived from the Latin word natura, or "essential qualities, innate disposition", and literally means "birth".
When you think of nature, do you think of

The "forces" of nature?

I have been thinking a lot about "MY" nature.

I want to change it

Well, not ALL of it.

Just the bad parts.

I am lazy for instance and give up way too easily.

I am easily offended, and VERY prideful.

So tell me, do you think nature can be changed? Very quickly?

Have you ever thought you wanted to change your nature?

New years resolutions

2010-01-25T14:29:00.001-07:00

I realized yesterday that I forgot to write down my new years' resolutions.
Last year I was simplifying and so I set 3 areas. Silly me, that did not simplify the process at all, it kept it wide open!
Did I accomplish any of them?
I do think we eat a little healthier.
I didn't lose a chunk of weight, but I didn't gain a chunk either.
I made a little progress for awhile in scripture study, but then I let myself rearrange my priorities again.

2010-
Specifically-
Smile every day!

That's it!

What are your resolutions for 2010?

Forgiveness

2010-01-22T15:59:00.001-07:00

So,
The Bishop asked myself and my presidency to speak in sacrament meeting on Sunday. All 4 of us have a different topic. As president I get to go last. My topic is forgiveness. I think it is a great topic, and I have enjoyed studying it.
Here is where you come in. Please comment, because I am taking a poll and your answer matters. Even if you normally just stalk and don't comment, now is the time to be heard.
3 questions (or opinions)
#1- Do you think that because of the atonement everyone will just be forgiven no matter what?
#2- Do you beleive that the forgiveness you receive is based on your willingness to forgive others, no matter what?
#3- Which do you think is harder, to forgive others or yourself?

I appreciate your answers in advance.

I forgot.....

2010-01-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

It is easy to forget how little time you have as a Mom with young kids to do housework.

Luckily, the grandkids love taking baths in my deep sinks so I could load the DW while they bathe!

Could you not pick up this little guy and just hold him all day?

I forgot what great exercise it is to carry a toddler around on your hip.

I had tons of fun things planned for my little Carlson critters, but it rained and was cold and that kyboshed the playground and sidewalk chalk.

We made jello and even though I think they enjoyed that, it was just toys in the toybox that they were wild about.

I forgot that simple is usually more fun for kids!

Time to remember

2010-01-16T14:05:00.000-07:00

Family is all about give and take
and remembering.
The remembering needs to start inside your own heart
where the ache is
The ache needs to somehow be replaced with
something that is deeper
and bigger
than blame
fairness
or even rightness

because we see things from our own perspective
some things will never be sorted out
here anyway
and the choices we are faced with
are too dully black and white

Truth just might destroy us if we don't start remembering
reaching out will destroy us if we don't start remembering
childish pride grown big and hard will destroy us
if we don't start remembering

what about you and me makes me knowing the truth not enough
what about you makes admitting and beginning again impossible
what am I supposed to be remembering
i was told before this began
and i didn't pay attention because it didn't make sense then

what seems so simple to me seems so hard to you
i can't go back to yesterday
because I am different now
you can't go back to yesterday because I won't let you
remember what

can a memory change this
am I still waiting to remember what was going to prevent this
and because we are too far beyond that
i can't find the beginning thread

help me remember

we are almost lost

Ready...ACTION!

2009-12-30T23:01:00.000-07:00

Where are all those videos thatwe used to take? We would be so upset if the battery wasn't charged and we were at a once in a lifetime event- like a dance recital, band concert or birthday. On some of our old videos you can hear me in the background hollering at a kid and being pretty impatient.

On another video, Steven followed me around our garden filming my backside!

My favorite memory that I HAVE to find is the one Steven made while I was at a church meeting. Luke is on a porch/ deck with no sides on it, Layne is pushing him close to the edge in his walker and Steven is calmly saying; Don't push him buddy." without making any indication that he intends to stop the impending doom. Looking back, I think he staged that so I wouldn't have him babysit any more. He was certainly anxious to have me watch the footage that night.

Other goodies are Melissa, Emily and Suzy dancing to the beach boys, Lynn being so patient with baby Luke and calling him "You little pinchy guy".

Time to find the videos!

random photos

2009-12-22T11:33:00.003-07:00

Oldest daughter, youngest grandson, terrific aunt, very active nephew,

Middle daughter, accident prone, very compassionate, will need help for awhile SINCE SHE BROKE HER ANKLE!

youngest daughter, best photographer, no more braces, beautiful smile.

cousins, friends, sweet grand daughters, big sisters

baptism girl, seamstress, big sister, oldest grand daughter

youngest son, artist, wanna be rock climber,

funtimes,uncles, middle son with funny smile, grand daughter who loves to play games

Oldest son, good looking profile, supportive priesthood holder, student

brother & Sister, birthday girl and helper, youngest kids of oldest daughter

grandkids who love hugs and kisses

loving, extremely active grandkids- high jumpers-fast runners

grandpas fans

dyeing easter eggs, patient aunt

need wider lense or grandma replacement

missing 1 child from Melissa, 2.5 from Emily and Suzy's are both here

Donny

2009-12-16T15:47:00.002-07:00

soft, white, clean, fresh, love, peace, nice, smooth, innocent

Dumb-de-dum-dumb

2009-12-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

So Steven and I are having this conversation a bit ago about getting older and the possibility of demention or alzheimers in our life. (I know, very uplifting, huh?) I am pretty sure Steven must think I am already showing signs because of how he initiated the conversation. How do I tell him I have always been this scatter-brained and that my lack of focus is normal for me because I have so much on my plate.
Okay, so I worry a little lately that names and stuff come a little slower to my lips than they used to.
So,
I walk out of Walmart and TOTALLY do not know where I parked. I push my cart back and forth trying to look un-lost. Finally I am pretty frustrated and call Steven. He says calmly to me, have you triedpushing your panic button on your key? (I hadn't but I don't admit that.) I get off the phone and start pushing the panic button while I walk up and down the rows trying to not get backed into by leaving shoppers. No beeping, no panic noise so now I am just PISSED OFF! (which amazingly cleared my head) I see my car, walk up to it and push the panic button. NOTHING! I look down at my key and I have been pushing the trunk open button, and yes the trunk is open! (And yes my bowling bag was still there!)
So, the lesson to be learned, is that---- what?
Do you think I have dementia? Be honest, I can use an excuse!

Thanks---Giving

2009-11-24T14:58:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for sooooo many things.
Here are a few.

1. I have basically figured out how to lead the music well enough to make it through sacrament meeting without 2 or 3 people pointing out my mistakes.

2. I am so very thankful that mt sister Leslie and I finally live close enough to each other that we can physically support each other. (That sounded weird, I just mean that we don't help by just keeping each other in our prayers)

3. I am thankful that I don't weigh enough to qualify to be on the biggest loser. (When they drop down to my weight in week 9 it is depressing to know that will pass me by)

4. I am thankful that I live somewhere warm. I had forgot what it felt like to shiver in cold weather until I visited Price last week. Brrr

5. I am thankful that even in the middle of what some people might think as a devastating extended family Crisis, I have found many ways to feel joy.

Papa and daymon

2009-11-05T01:07:00.001-07:00

Out there

2009-11-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

I have never been known for the ability to think before I act or speak. I hope I have gotten better, but believe me, I AM aware that most of my embarrassing moments have been due to this flaw.

In addition to this horrible trait, I tend to jump in with both feet when I jump. This does tend to make me -off balance frequently, and it doesn't help that I don't leave myself an out.

I definitely relate to the popular" Texas Hold em poker" when you go ALL IN.

I have started to embrace this "tendancy" lately as I have started to recognize it in some very special people who I happen to think have great futures because of not holding anything back.

This picture says it all! Max jumps in-

and stays in the game!

Lexie can tell you what she is thinking, clearly, with a directness that is still sweet.

She puts her

WHOLE Heart

into everything!

Daymon has no fear!

He simply doesn't think there are limitations to what he can do.

These little ones are my "Threes"

They were all born within weeks of each other and they have come to Earth

to accomplish---

anything they put their minds to.

Just like the other 6 grandchildren

they came ready for this world.

And when I watch them I know that it is definitely a good thing

To jump with both feet

and not look back

and put yourself

"out there".

Tally-Ho!

2009-10-30T23:27:00.000-06:00

I know that the fact that I am alive is something I owe my parents for, just like every other human on the planet.

Beyond the birth thing however, my life and the balance sheet connected with it is anything but the standard issue that everyone else can claim.
My parents were not the standard issue.
I didn’t really appreciate what I had of course, not really appreciate it until I was beyond the bounds of that home that they created for us.
It seemed standard enough when just like my friends across the alley and down the street my father got up every day and went to work, lunch bucket in hand, and came home every night at the same time and sat at a TV tray in front of Walter Cronkite and watched the evening news.
I was not aware that behind the doors of neighbors’ houses life was not like ours.
It was easy for me to see what my parents did, but I didn’t know then to be thankful for what they didn’t do.
I was not called names, or sworn at. My dad didn’t go drinking with his buddies on the weekends or gamble his paycheck away.
My Mother didn’t sit at a neighbors’ kitchen table gossiping, drinking “medicinal” wine, and chain smoking. I wasn’t beat (although I am sure I deserved it) and I never went without food, clothes, toys, books or anything I felt like I couldn’t live without.
I thought our life was typical, but it was anything but typical.

Dad did spend a lot of time away from home, but it was in doing service to his parents, and his disabled brother, or serving in the church where he had many callings.

Mom spent her time providing delicious meals, a clean home and a loving, playful atmosphere.
We were taught to be frugal, patient, hopeful, positive, charitable, friendly and kind.
I learned how to work, share and care for others.

I had an example of Christ like love shown me on a regular basis as my dad gave piggy back rides to his disabled brother to get him into cars, on couches and fishing expeditions.
My Dad had an infectious smile that went all the way to the crinkles at the corners of his eyes and my Mom always had a song in her heart and a tune at her lips.

Saturday mornings were big breakfast days before the Saturday chores began. Mom worked right along side of us and set an example.
Mom loved to learn and taught us to have open minds and more importantly open hearts.
She taught us to be respectful to our elders but could still hose you down in a water fight.

I could never even begin to pay My Mom and Dad back, or for that matter, my Heavenly Father for blessing my life with them, but I can try to live how they would want me to.

course change

2009-10-29T00:09:00.000-06:00

What do you do when the placement of a stone
can change the course of a whole river?
How do you decide that even a correct course change
won't cause so much erosion
That the very river itself might simply become too strong and sweep everything away in it's path?
What if you weren't the one who caused the erosion, just the one who called attention to it,
And now you must decide
If the river will be left alone
to become even more polluted and stagnate from the erosion.
Why should you care one way or another?
Does it matter that you used to sit at her banks, and so much of who you are was formed there?
Couldn't you just walk away- and pretend that the river hasn't really changed that much?
I feel the stone in my hand that must be placed to alter the course.
I understand now
that no matter my decision I will never return again to this river.

Too close

2009-10-20T00:25:00.000-06:00

I was shocked when Leslie texted me last Monday to say that Dennis was at the hospital with a heart attack.
It didn't seem real, and after trying to work and wait for news I decided to just head up.
I was surprized that I got there in time to actually see him.
He is one of my best friends, and it was so hard to see the worry in Both he and Leslies faces.
Leslie is such a good, dear sister and one of my best friends. I couldn't even fathom how she would live without him, or how we would live without him. I didn't know that night, that by that time the next night he would have had 2 more attacks and 2 more surgeries.
It was like someone had changed the rules of time in the waiting room. Neices and nephews all tried to deal with the worry and what ifs in their own way. Finally after 3 1/2 hours the word did come that he was out of surgery. He had a much worse attack than we had known.
I thought about Steven and what I would do if I lost him. It put a lot in perspective! It helped me to see the bigger picture. No more wasting time on toxic relationships. Time to grow relationships that lift us and help us find joy.
We almost lost Dennis, and it was-too close!

Braces

2009-10-16T08:23:00.002-06:00

Michael got his braces on yesterday. He wasn't feeling well and I remembered that feeling.
I need braces again, or maybe just caps.
Cameron wondered if my tooth that sticks out is loose. He was very concerned for me.
He wanted to know if my tooth hurt.
Brace yourself:
I am really not self conscious about that tooth anymore.
I have emBRACED my nose, why not my snaggle tooth?
What's next, wearing my pants up o my chest?

Quite the yarn!

2009-10-10T17:26:00.003-06:00

I had a creative attack at Walmart today when I accidentally walked past the yarn aisle while I was talking to my sister on the phone. I usually avoid this aisle because I know how it affects me. When my Mom died, I heard a couple of menfolk wonder while all the yarn. I totally can relate to my Mom. (I went to DI first today and I have to admit that DI yarn doesn't do it for me. The colors at DI aren't put together like a pallette.)
As I was leaving the yarn aisle with enough yarn to make some lucky child a lovely afghan, I spotted some fabulous fabric that would make such a nice quilt. (The fabric chick agreed)
I almost bought a crochet pattern book and yarn for my sister who is sick in bed, and then realized that she probably has as much yarn as me.
I am so excited to begin my Christmas sewing and crocheting and knitting. My Mom gave me a modge podge of yarn once to keep me busy and not depressed when I had to stay down while I was pregnant with Steven before he died. It worked wonders because it gave me something to keep my hands and mind busy doing. Now it is a creative rush for me because I don't get much of that in my day to day job.
When I suffered from a little depression after Lynn was born, it was knitting that snapped me out of it.
Just like I have comfort foods that help me when I am down, I also have ......YARN!

Trick or Treat

2009-10-05T12:40:00.002-06:00

I quit writing in my journal on a regular basis back in the late 90's. Once in awhile I would feel guilty and try again. It is definitely a momentum kind of a thing, but mostly I wondered why I was writing it at all. What use would it be?
My Mom kept a journal, and I am glad. There are a few things I wish she would have stated for me a little clearer though, so I am going to state them for my kids right now.

When I die, you will be shocked how different you will feel than you expect. Time does make it easier, but you will wish you could still talk to me from time to time and it will be hard that you can't. The Holy Ghost will help out with this and send you peace.
You might find yourself wondering from time to time what I thought of you; was I okay with choices you made and am I still aware of you. Thinking how I feel about each of you has helped me find the answers about my own relationship with my Mom.

I always assume you are doing your best, and I quit trying to make your life measure up to my expectations a long time ago. I want you to be happy, and I want us to be together again.

Life is sooo much like Halloween! we dress up, we wears masks or try to pretend we are someone else. Sometimes life is a treat, and sometimes it feels like a trick. It is what it is! a series of knocking on the doors of the other people in your life and not knowing exactly what ou will get. A yucky peanut butter taffy that is rock hard feels like a trick, but it might be the best that door has to offer.

I still miss my Mom a lot, but most of the time I find it easier to deal with. I know I want my Mom to be proud of me (and my dad too) and I realize now that they are hoping that they haven't done something in word or deed to make me stumble while they were here on Earth.

We are so connected to each other and we all have our times when we feel bad that we are offering smarties or tootsie rolls when we wish we could be offering full sized candy bars.

Addictions

2009-07-19T13:36:00.002-06:00

I really have armed myself agents addictions to most habit forming drugs-
I say most, you know the list: I don't do pot or speed or LSD, I don't smoke anything, I dabble in caffeine, although I have sworn off the large doses in rocket, amp and the like.

I have kicked gambling, but am warily careful to not put myself in harms temptation.

Addiction is a real problem for me- I spend way too much time on NOTHING! I am addicted to wasting time!!!
I have face book with me 24/7 because it is on my blackberry. It's a good thing you can't use the facebook applications on the phone.

Am I going to do something about this?
Well, Luke and I played Farkle for jobs 2 days ago. I try to limit my time to no more than 30 minutes at a time.

I am so addicted that even as I type I am wondering if anyone has beat my last score or if my crops are ready to harvest.

The first step is knowing you have an addiction, but the second step is wanting to change and I am not sure I am ready for cold turkey. There are too many good things about facebook.
I know how my kids are feeling, I keep in touch with people I wouldn't take the time too because of the long phonecalls, and I get to see lots of cool pictures.
Do I sound like an addict if I say I can control this?
Any ideas?

The cats outta the bag!

2009-07-10T01:18:00.002-06:00

Lynn: Can I have a cat?
Me: NO!
Steven: Can I bring a kitten home for the boys from Idaho?
Me: NO!
Lynn: Hey Luke, look at those kittens for free. Mom said we can't have one.
Luke: Let's get one.
Lynn: OK
Me: Why is there a kitten in the garage?
Me: It cannot come in the house!
Me: Has anyone fed this kitten?
Lynn: Her name is Miss Jackson.

Me: SHE BETTER EAT COCKROACHES!!!!!!!!

The nest is not empty!

2009-06-28T22:49:00.002-06:00

So some of the birdies are back in the nest
There is still more room for all the rest
of my little birdies

Daddy bird is doing the shopping
The birdies cook, clean and paint
Mommy sits and reads all day
a hardship this aint

Come little birdies
and fill up the nest
you can all think that you are the fav
I really missed you little birds
I like to have a slave!

48 and counting!

2009-06-21T21:07:00.002-06:00

48 really isn't very much if you really look at it.
Take 48 cents for instance, what can you buy with 48? Even 48 dollars won't really get you very far today. 48 dollars can't even buy me a full tank of gas.
Now 48 grandchildren, that WOULD be a lot.
48 seconds- nothing! 48 minutes+ bearable but not impossible. 48 hours? Well, that's a famous movie now, isn't it? 48 years- grandchildren think it is ancient, teenagers think it will never happen to them, and 30 year old daughters think that 48 doesn't sound so old. I have always valued Melissa's opinion so- there you have it!
48 is great and it's never too late to celebrate!

You really shouldn't- but you do anyway

2009-06-09T23:51:00.002-06:00

I really shouldn't go back to sleep
I really shouldn't eat that cake
I really shouldn't park this close
But I do anyway

I really shouldn't think out loud
I really shouldn't buy this dress
I really shouldn't make him wait
But I do anyway

I really shouldn't stay up this late
I really shouldn't read just one more chapter
I really shouldn't hesitate
But I do anyway

I should do what I know is the right thing to do
I used to ALL the time
I really shouldn't exagerate
But-

The friendly skies?

2009-06-03T21:02:00.002-06:00

I don't think so! As I was on standby today, hoping to get ANY seat, the airplane lady (what do you call those control freak, i'm having a bad day ladies?) called my name and had me go to her desk. She let me know that she had 1 seat on the flight that was about to leave, but was sure I wouldn't want it. I thought maybe there was swine flu victim or somebody, but she informed me that it was a middle seat next to a WOMAN WITH A BABY! I almost laughed but didn't want to blow my chance at the seat. Heaven forbid a mom with a baby would try to fly.
I spent the next 3 hours helping a very stressed mommy from Puerto Rico with her darling (yet screaming) 8 month old daughter. I let her suck on my watch, showed her my bunny nose and held her occaisionally to give her Mom a break. No big deal, and Gradma would have done it. My frustration was how rude everyone around us was and i wanted to tell them to all chill out. When we landed, people were pushing and grumbling and not waiting for her to put her huge backpack on. True to my "in your face nature" I stood up, blocked everyone elses exit, and held the baby while she gathered her things. There were some very unhappy passengers behind us and I thought it was funny that someone was MAKING them wait. No wonder the desk lady was so grouchy. Can you imagine having to work with thousands of grouchy people every day?
I will be kind and pleasant to the airplane ladies tomorrow.

Farm town

2009-06-02T07:46:00.002-06:00

Will my grapes go bad before I harvest them? If I plant corn, where will I be in 3 days to make sure I didn't waste coin to plant them? Do I save for extra farm space or do I splurge and buy that small house for 70,000 coin?
Seriously.
Face book has many fun applications, but Farm town has got out of hand. Atleast when I was playing word games it might have been increasing my vocabulary.
People with addictive personalities like me should be more careful. How many important things could I be working on instead of trying to corral my chicks into the new fence I built?
Am I saying I am stopping Farm Town?
Are you kidding me?
I am on level 24 and I still need to catch up with steven. Besides, I am saving for a pond!

Hallelujah and pass the paintbrush!

2009-05-29T23:19:00.002-06:00

Melissa is here and we are painting! I can't beleive how much better the kitchen looks already!
I got a bunch of mistint paint at Walmart for 6 bucks a can and we have mixed a few of them together in a 5 gallon bucket so that the whole whole downstairs can be the
same color. The color is kind of a "postum with lots of cremora" color.
Speaking of postum, why did they dicontinue it instead of Pero?
Seriously!
I know Steven thought my idea was crazy but I thought it would appeal to his "let's not go crazy with money theme." The paramed Lady who came to torture me for Steven today wanted to know if we were moving in or moving out. That was almost as depressing as her scale that is definitely NOT working.
Atleast the EKG was fast and my blood pressure was great!

A Poem?

2009-05-24T00:37:00.002-06:00

Blessings of life
lessons of life
sometimes strife
rarely easy
sometimes queasy
often breezy
very funny
life is sunny
patient hunny

If i have dislodged a bloodclot, will I die?

2009-05-20T20:34:00.004-06:00

This is Daymon the energetic dynamo.

He got to go to Father and sons with his Grandpa while he was here visiting with his Mommy.

He has a very hard head.

He jumps a lot, in fact I generally encourage it by helping him see how high he can jump.

He jumped - towards me- and landed his hard little head right into my jaw. I heard the pop and felt excruciating pain.

I have had a headache ever since.

Suzy says maybe I have a brain tumor.

Steven says I need to go see his new client who is a chiropractor.

I have ruled out a fractured jaw. (the internet says I wouldn't be able to open my mouth very wide.

I do not want to go to the doctor when I know it is just a rest up thing.

Have you ever had a jaw injury? How long did it take for it to heal? Did your teeth and ears hurt too?

Emily's famous St. George vacation

2009-05-16T01:04:00.002-06:00

Poor Emily! She really needed a vacation. I really thought I could give her a sort of substitute one. I askedSteven if he would babysit her two boys while I took her to Las Vegas for a week.(I wasn't serious, but he wasn't buying into it) He did however volunteer to babysit in the evenings as much as we needed him to. I thought I would be able to cut back on my hours a little to play with her and spoil her. 2 appointments, 10 interview, 50 emails and a zillion phonecalls later, she had to settle for 1 night at the movies (she paid for me because the theater wouldn't accept Discover) A kiddie swimming pool instead of a spa, a little shopping , a couple of card games, and a dinner at Red Lobster.

Lynns 23rd

2009-05-04T01:11:00.002-06:00

See this smile? That is the same smile he would get when he was a toddler running fearlessly into the ocean, or when he was 2 and talking to strangers and big dogs and had no fear. I love that smile! I love that it hasn't changed since he was first smiling. It makes me feel like all is right with the world. I needed that right now.

5 things from my bucket list

2009-05-01T07:59:00.002-06:00

I wrote my first detailed bucket list in 2000. It had 100 items on it, and after I had about 50 items I was pretty much just putting wild crazy things on it that I really didn't care if I got done before I died. I tried to update my bucket list in 2008 and was surprized how many things on my list were simply fillers. I have taken 5 things from my list to work on in the next 5 years. These are the 5: (not in any particular order)
1- write and publish a book
2-enter a painting in a juried art show
3-attend all Utah temples
4-Take each child on a separate vacation with their family
5-Go to Hawaii with Steven

I was surprized to see I had already accomplished a few things from my original bucket list:
1-Pieced together and quilted a quilt from scratch (Emily Christmas 2007)
2-Attended a broadway musical in New York (Fiddler on the roof Dec 2005)
3-Went on a cruise (October 2007)
4-Directed a musical (Cinderella, Oklahoma, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers)
5-Became a Farm Bureau manager (Jan 2009)

What are some things on your bucket list that you want to accomplish in the next 5 years?

Husbands

2009-04-28T09:28:00.002-06:00

I have to tell you that I am a little weirded out that I am realizing I don't know Steven as well as I thought I did.
He does tell me on a regular basis that I don't know him very well, but I really didn't pay much attention to that because I KNEW I knew him pretty well.
Well......
either we are changing at a rapid rate as we age or I am a horrible wife and don't know him very well.
#1- He actually tried the surfing/ boogie board thing at Melissa's party even though he has arthritis.
#2- He is becoming the friendly, out going guy and I am becoming the "let's stay at home and watch a movie" girl.
#3- I thought I knew his fav foods, but this morning he said he doesn't know what his favorites are because they change every day! (Alright, but then I can't be accused of not knowing you Steven if YOU don't even know your favorites)
#4- When I gave him an out for me to fix dinner, he still took me to dinner to celebrate me passing my exam. (I am not saying he isn't generous, just that he normally prefers home cooking)
#5 (and this is the BIGGY) I really can't tell anymore if he is teasing or not. I know he always has thought I couldn't, but I just pretended before. Now I REALLY can't tell. He made this big stupid deal about a pen he accused me of borrowing and not returning and insisted I had been using it that very morning . I went WAY out of my way toprove him wrong and was really quite angry that he refused to leave Melissa's house until his pen was found. He later said he was just teasing me. If I had caught that, I wouldn't of gone to all the extent I did to defend myself over his STUPID CEU pen that writes BLUE ink and not the black ink I was using.
Maybe I never could tell.

irrational behaviour

2009-04-22T17:25:00.003-06:00

This title basically sums up my existence for the past 9 days.
Yesterday I cried with frustration when I couldn't find VH-1 on DTV so I could exercise. (That was the beginning of me doing better) I stood there with the remote in my hand and said to myself,"Are you really going to cry about a TV channel? What is up? What is really the problem here?"
I plunked down on the carpet and had a conversation with myself. (I really don't care if anyone thinks I am crazy, I wanted to get to the bottom of my recent irrational behaviour)
Here is a very small sampling of what I am talking about:
*I am in releif society on sunday and I begin to weep. Not loud or anything, just continual tears sliding down my face for a solid 5 minutes. No apparent reason.
*I was completely frustrated on Monday when I decided to replace my lost scriptures and mentioned to Steven I was headed to Deseret Book. He made comments about would it be cheaper at the distribution center etc., and I decided I didn't want scriptures and if he didn't think it was important for me to have them than I would just go to hell and it would be his fault.

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? I totally need to become glued again. (As opposed to my current state of ungluedness)

So, I made a list of what could possibly be my problem. (Here is your warning to jump off this spaceship while you have a chance)
#1- My Mom (and one of my best friends) died not even 3 years ago
#2- My Dad died not even a year ago and I didn't have time (or take it) to really mourn. I definitely keep the Dad dying thing buried pretty deep inside because there is a massive amount of guilt tied to that particular travesty.
#3- Although I tried to understand and not judge, I was completely devastated when Luke came home from the MTC, and I have harbored a little resentment against all the preisthood holders in my immediate family along with the yahoos at the MTC who think they know more than a MOM (Spoiler alert- I do not go apostate!)
#4- I spent a whole year living pretty much away from home and felt like a chick with no henhouse. Not to mention I missed out on rebonding with Lynn and Layne when they came home from their missions.
#5-I have started a completely new career and I am in the middle of brain mush as I try to decipher the thing called Limited supervisory principle and the series 26 test that I MUST pass next Monday.
#6- I am married to a sweetheart, but bless his soul he still doesn't get me. (which Iam not holding against him, I just thought that of the two of us maybe he would get me and explain me to me)
You know what, I am going to stop there. The rest of the list has to do with crooked teeth, fat cells, IRS audits, sleep problems and other family relationships I am trying to understand.

Anyway,
I feel less irrational today. I think I must have just had a lack of vitamin D from the sun and now all is right with the world!

how to index

2009-04-22T07:31:00.002-06:00

I tried to enroll in indexing awhile ago when they announced in the Ensign that it was now open for volunteers, but the system was swamped with too many people trying to do it at the same time.
For anyone interested, this is how I finally did it:
I went to LDS.org and found the family search link. From there, I took a tour, then clicked on volunteer. It had me register and then uploaded the software to my computer. Then I took a tutorial.
When I clicked on download batch, I was indexing within 2 minutes. This whole process only took 20 minutes to get started.
You enroll by ward and stake info and then your stake peoples names pop up with their phone numbers so you can call for help. So far it has been pretty self explanatory and I have indexed 166 names since Sunday.
Every time I go to play a computer game I think,
I could be indexing.

Index that !

2009-04-19T18:16:00.002-06:00

I have really been feeling guilty since general conference for not serving others more.
Beleive me, I have a ton of really good excuses.
Today I had a crazy cool thing happen.
I was playing pathwords trying to beat The jensens scores when I could hear Steven coming out of the bathroom and I didn't want him to see me wasting time so I hurriedly typed in LDS.ORG.
(I know you read my blog steven)
Just for the record, Steven doesn't care if I waste time, I just care what he thinks.
Anyway, all of a sudden the link to the volunteer for indexing came up and I registered and I am in love with finally being able to do SOMETHING in the way of geneology since I am not on the same wavelength with all you geneology gurus. (You know who you are)
Anyway, I only had 5 names indexed by the time we left for church, but it was amazing how good I felt. Then when I got home I finished the first batch of 50 names and decided to do another 50. i haven't felt this peaceful in ages! So there time waster Lori- index that!!!!

Finally the answer

2009-04-18T19:12:00.003-06:00

When you take away the Mommy and daddy of a family, what are you left with?
Because I have been keeping myself busy so that I didn't have to really ponder this too often, I was very surprized when today the answer was just... THERE!
Even though most of us have supportive spouses, children who keep our attention and grandbabies we adore; no one, (and I really mean NO ONE) will ever take the place of your brothers and sisters.
Who else knows your complete history? Who else knows you at your worst, your best, and all the in between at the same time?
Now if you are from a larger family like I am, not all the brothers and sisters have the exact history. Parents mellow out and have more money with the younger kids than with the older kids. Parents also have more energy and a different relationship with the older kids. We all relate to the family through our own individual connection with Mom and Dad, our birth order, our personalities, But the glue is still there!
What it all comes to is this: Our parents are temporarily out of view, they left a huge hole smack dab in the middle of of our lives and no matter how much we think we lean on spouses, kids and grandkids..... only our siblings truly know how we feel.
I NEED my brothers and sisters. I understand how my Mom dealt with the passing of her Mom. I had wished I had asked her, but now I know that she survived her parents passing because of her connection with her brothers and sisters. Across the miles, across the years- they are always there.

2009-04-15T18:56:00.006-06:00

Emily is such a patient aunt. (Melissa and Suzy were too) It was fun to have all 9 grandkids.

Look at this beautiful family. They are growing up sooooo fast.

Suzy is so creative. She was decorating eggs like she was Martha Stewart. (or Emily)

Texture is a weird thing! This is Daymon's first bite of cereal. He was a trooper!

Easter was so great ! This brother and sister love each other so much, It was so much fun to watch them coo and baby talk to their baby brother.

2009-04-07T16:47:00.002-06:00

This bird is a good representation of how I feel. I am just happy to be alive! I really would like to take a moment or two and recap how blessed I am.
(In no particular order of importance, just randomly:)
I have a great job, and so does Steven and we are together!
I have a VERY supportive, loving helpful family!
I live in a warm climate!
I have a Saviour who has made it possible for me to return home again to my Heavenly Parents.
(When I see my life review DVD it will mostly be blank because of the atonement)
I have a husband with a great sense of humor, and he has sacrificed so much for me through all the years. I am working hard to show him my gratitude.
I am very thankful for my eyesight so I can see things like this birdie in the tree.

These are just a very few of my blessings. What are some of yours?

TIIIMMMMBBBEERRRR

2009-04-05T00:01:00.002-06:00

So today was a nice 70ish day in St. George so I decided to start whipping the yard into shape. I was making pretty good headway when I misstepped off the front step, twisted my ankle, lost my balance and toppled over onto the sidewalk.
I can't say that my pride hurt worse than my body. My body hurt! Bad!
It felt like I fell in slow motion. The bulk of my weight landed on my shoulder, so tonight I ache like I'm 80.
I don't know why I blogged about this, it is very boring. Did I mention that just before I fell I felt an ant bite on my leg and looked down and I was covered with sugar ants so I had to do a "get off of me, you ants, dance," That isn't what made me fall though it was twisting my ankle as I stepped off the porch.

My April Fool

2009-03-31T16:48:00.002-06:00

I always thought it was a great story that my water broke on April 1st and Steven wouldn't beleive me that I was in labor. So many sweet things happened the day Suzanne Elisabeth Jane Prince was born. There was a bad storm and my sister Becky was stranded in Idaho Falls at my house where she was able to stay with Melissa and Emily while I went to the hospital to have Suzy. Becky has her own April Fool and she had to miss Heathers birthday because she was stranded. I remember how important it was to Steven that the nurse siad Emily looked like him and Melissa looked like me so she wondered who the new baby would look like. He loved it that the nurse didn't know that he wasn't there birth dad. Of course, that meant that they didn't need to advize him on childbirth because he had 2 kids already. SURPRIZE! He was freaked out when he saw her be born and didn't know how he would tell me she was deformed and then her head popped out and he was releived. When the birth certificate came I wanted to honor Melanie who is also an April fool and named suzy's middle name, Jane after her. I had already told my Granny that we would name Suzy after her middle name Elisabeth. Granny's name is Ruth Elizabeth but I didn't know that it was spelled with a "z" so that's how Suzy's name, "Suzanne Elisabeth Jane Prince" came into being.
Suzy always had a strong will and knew what she wanted. I can see her with her little hands on her hips telling me "that didn't hurt" when she got her bottom spanked. She has the best recall of conversations I've ever known. She worries about the underdog, is compassionate when people are hurting and definitely loves her husband and children. Suzy was always a daddy's girl and I was probably a little glad when I was tired and a little sad when I couldn't quite connect the way her daddy could. I didn't realize how much of me was in her until I have had the chance to watch her as an adult. I am so proud of her and I love the million little things she does for everyone around her. The wedding cake was awesome, the announcements are spectacular and her children are beautiful. Suzy is truly an artist and I am glad she is my April Fool.

earliest

2009-03-30T19:44:00.002-06:00

Memory can be a funny thing. When you are young you really think your memory is better than the older people. I am definitely guilty of teasing Steven about his memory (or loss of it) The truth of the matter is that what we really remember is how things were from our perspective and then really only things that made an impact on our mind. Who knows how many of our memories are correct, or how they would change if we could see the whole picture.
What is your earliest memory? I have flashes of what I think are memories of when I was an infant or toddler, but some of my earliest solid memories revolve around my mom and my family. I can remember sitting on the arm of a big yellow chair eating soda crackers while my mom read stories to me while my older siblings were at school. I remember dreading to have to go down the basement stairs to get a can of corn from the storage shelves in fear that someone might shut the basement door. I remember feeling so special and loved when we went to Granny and Grandpas house. I remember feeling picked on when I couldn't tag along with older sisters. I must have been a royal pain! I know I was a drama queen.
What are your first or early memories?

ABC's

2009-03-26T23:18:00.002-06:00

A is for all the lizards on my back fence (I counted 15 and then quit counting)
B is for no bugs or spiders. I have not seen a single one. I think I like the lizards.
C is for no cans. I mean garbage cans. The next door neighbor told me that the other neighbor stole them before we moved in. Apparently they won't let you get new ones, you just have to steal back yours.
D is for dead grass and palm trees. We have so much work to do.
E is for empty nest. We decided that we don't really have one yet.
F is for all the great food here. (in and out burger, choc shake and fresh cut fries-yum)
G is for George. Was he a real saint? What's up with that?
H is for Haylee who told us she can't feed her baby brother because she doesn't have boobs
I is for interviews. I am inundated with people wanting to interview. I have started being picky.
J is for joking. My agents can't tell when I am.
K is for keeping in touch. I love facebook.
L is for lynn, Layne and Luke who are all living in our Price house with Laynes new bride.-awkward!
M is for missing Melissa and her kids who I don't get to see very much now.
N is for needy. If I don't start getting more comments I will quit writing. (j/k)
O is for optimistically thinking I will ever get the house painted.
P is for people coming to visit. We love it!
Q is for the quilt Luke says I need to make for his and Jessas wedding.
R is for relatives who braved the wind and miles to attend Laynes wedding.
S is for Steven who changed careers and has become a fab insurance agent just so we could be together.
T is for Teresa who is my first daughter in law
U is for Ugly eyebrows. ( I know this sounds very random, but I can't pluck because I am getting them waxed in a week and they are driving me crazy!)
V is for vacation which I am ready for but doesn't happen until June.
W is for wicked. I am trying to get tickets.
X is for the xrays I need to get. I lost a big piece of a back tooth and have been in denial about going to the dentist.
Y is for youth which is over rated. I feel old now that I realize that the old lady clothes are the ones I like.(I don't pull my pant waist up to my chest yet, but I could.)
Z is for the zipper that Steven had down halfway through church on Sunday and then he blushed bright red when he realized it. I am sure no one saw, but he was embarrassed.

survey part two

2009-03-23T22:42:00.002-06:00

When talking to a salesperson about retirement or financial products, which of the following would affect your decision to purchase in a negative way given that the person is very knowledgeable?
The age of the salesperson,
The sex of the salesperson,
The personality of the salesperson,
The years of experience of the salesperson.
A brief reason would also be appreciated.

What do you think?

2009-03-19T21:30:00.002-06:00

Here is a small survey.
What best motivates you to do better-
Appreciation, recognition or prizes?
Please feel free to ask other people and report it to me. I need to know if they are a man or a woman.
I am writing an article on motivating others.

Layne

2009-03-18T23:46:00.002-06:00

OH-MY-GOSH
Layne cannot possibly be getting married on saturday. I do not remember even being half this freaked out when the girls got married. (well maybe I am just not remembering)
My little Laney. He was such a sweet little baby, not very fussy and pretty darn patient. He was a solitary toddler who didn't really like to be bothered too much, kind of like we were interupting his deep thoughts when we made him converse with us. He always has had a twisted sense of humor. For instance, waiting by the vaccum that Lynn was terrified of and quickly turning it on, then standing by nonchalntly while Lynn screamed and ran down the hall.
One thing I know from the girls getting married is that it is never as life changing as it seems it will be before they are married. But- my little Layne! Will he change in ways I don't know because he is my first son to be married? I know he will be a kind and patient husband, but today as he left to go back to Price I couldn't help but feel like my little boy was gone. Crap! This empty nest thing IS starting to get to me!!!!!

New

2009-03-13T19:55:00.002-06:00

We have certainly had a whirlwind of changes. So many things are new to us and most of it is good new.
New to us- Being just us at home. This is mostly good.
We bop home for lunch together and I say,"you're on your own"
He says,"what's new about that?"
I read, he fixes things, we watch TV together, I think,"Dang! It's a good thing we like each other!"
The new is finding "us" since we have always been "Us plus kids" Everything we buy and plan for is still about kids and grandkids, but the subtle difference is.... well I am not sure, but it is different. We have a comfortable solitude that is okay when interupted by his Mom needing an understanding ear, or me needing to talk to one of the kids. I haven't yet got the house organized or cleaned, I am savoring being with Steven again.
The bad new is definitely being too far away to run home and rescue Boys who need food, advice and cleaning. I guess they needed this new situation just as much. Will they starve before they realize they need to budget?
We aren't really an empty nest yet, just maybe an extended vacation. It doesn't feel real yet.

Donavyns blessing and a stop in Richfield

2009-02-23T23:22:00.003-07:00

What a great day! His Grandpa had the privledge of blessing him and only once called him Daymon instead of Donavyn. (sorry I had to mention that Steven)

In the end I scrapped my effort of making his outfit and bought this one. It's too bad it takes so long to realize we stress over stuff we don't need to. Emily stressed over her house, the food and lack of time and as always was the perfect hostess. The food was delicious and she always has room for everyone.

On the way home I got to stop and spend time with Gwen and max. We read a bunch of stories, played memory and ate red licorice and chocolate chip cookies.

Chopped liver

2009-02-23T00:24:00.001-07:00

I failed to mention one of my guys, Joey.
It was a horrible oversite.
Joey is a great Dad and a terrific provider for Suzy. I never have to worry if Suzy will be provided for, I know Joey would flip burgers if he had to. (Thank heavens you don't have to Joey)
I love that Joey wants to be a teacher. I think that is the coolest thing to be.

my guys

2009-02-21T00:09:00.006-07:00

This man is simply my whole life. I worry that he has sacrificed too much for me, but I hope to be able to make it up to him.

This boy has always marched to the beat of his own drum, but he has always made me feel like I could do the same. His nonchalant, easy-going smile always makes me relax.

This crazy boy (the one hanging from the rock) makes me absolutely crazy.I worry about him, stress about his relationships and forgive him immediately when he flashes his grin.

This little man is the absolute curiousty king. I have never seen anyone get into as much mischief in such a short time as this guy. And then he flashes his VERY innocent smile and all is immediately forgiven.

This little guy loves this itty bitty basketball. I have found it in my disposal, under my bed and in Donavyns swing. As soon as he sees it again his face lights up throws the ball and amost immediately can't find it again. He takes NO substitutes, so I learned to pay better attention when he shoots.

I wish I had pictures on my new computer of some of my other special guys. I don't get to see Michael and cameron very often, but I sure miss them.

Lynn and I play phone tag alot, and sometimes even that is enough to know someone is thinking of you.

Hayden cooked me dinner, loaded my dishwasher twice and even unloaded it. He makes a great cheeseburger!

Tonight i was holding baby Donavyn and he looked up at me, made eye contact and said, "goo".

I felt like he was saying, "I know you" and that is enough.

Testy

2009-02-15T22:21:00.002-07:00

I really am okay that I have to retake the stupid test. I didn't cry when the man at the testing center was overly concerned and I held it together when my agents felt sorry for me. But..... I woke up with a killer migraine yesterday morning.
I guess holding emotion in is not always the best thing to do. (but it beats crying in front of everyone.)
Elaine, are we going to the parade of homes?

Just go to sleep for heavens sake

2009-02-12T23:53:00.002-07:00

It is almost midnight the night before I take my series 26 test. I CANNOT GO TO SLEEP!
I have sung primary songs, reviewed my week, the test, my blessings. I have prayed for my family, sung another primary song, gone over what I need to do tomorrow. I worried about the weather in Cedar City since I might have to go there, came up with some valid reasons why I can't go to Cedar City tomorrow. I played "try to remember your mom's voice" (I can't all of a sudden). Finally it occurred to me I should just get up and blog and get it all out so that maybe I could go to sleep.
So here I sit at the computer wondering if my two practice exams of 55 and then 60 will miraculously be a 70 tomorrow. I won't get fired if I don't pass it tomorrow. They will give me a second shot. I had a blessing. My family is praying for me. I AM NOT SLEEPY!
I forgot to call Elaine to see when she wanted to go to Parade of homes. (Monday?)
Steven isn't coming for valentines day so I might sneak to SLC. But what if he is tricking me and we cross paths? I don't think I could deal with that right now. Besides, remember...bad weather. Oh, yeah.
Insomnia is so weird. If I opened the scriptures or tried to pray I bet I would get immediately tired......until I get in bed. I am going to regret this tomorrow. The test is 2 and a half hours but I am too impatient to read the questions that carefully. My first exam today only took 1 and a half hours and the second only 50 minutes. I must have missed atleast 10 questions I knew both times because I didn't register words like EXCEPT...NOT... ONLY.... NONE OF THE ABOVE etc.
Alrighty then......
I am going back to bed. (Hopefully to sleep)

kids

2009-02-11T20:20:00.002-07:00

Wow I love my kids! I can't beleive what a great support they are to me.
Every single one of them give me so much strength.
I know this is a short blog, but I am too overcome with gratitude to write more.

Happy Birthday Steven jr.

2009-02-08T09:10:00.002-07:00

Today it has been 25 years since steven was born and died 12 hours later. Some years it still is hard and some years I just look forward to the future when I will see him again. I remember how hard it was to hold his tiny body and still keep the breathing tubes in place. I can still feel the strong urging from the Holy Ghost that he wasn't meant to stay. As long as the spirit was with me I was fine, but 2 days later I pushed the Holy Ghost away by being angry at something my Mother-in-law said. Then the feeling was frantic and quite irrational. At the graveside I thought maybe I should grab that little styrofoam coffin and make a run for it. Heavenly Father sent the Holy Ghost back to me and I just stood there, empty.
Luke asked me last night if I thought his life would be different if Steven had lived. I was confused at his question. He went on to explain that he thought that if Lynn had a big brother all there relationships would be different. I didn't speak out loud to Luke my thoughts on this.
Would we have had more children? Steven's heart was solid instead of hollow in one of his chambers.
On Stevens 25th birthday I have to beleive that he is a big brother to Lynn. (And Layne and Luke) My mother always taught that the prayers for us from the other side are more effective than ours because they know better what to pray for.

building a nest

2009-02-05T21:30:00.002-07:00

When Steven and I first met I already had a makeshift nest in production. He was a pretty good egg about taking on a ready made family and all the stresses that go along with that. Mostly, there was alot of baggage in my nest. We had to keep enlarging the nest, and he really was a good sport about all the little birds that kept coming. I seriously was surprized when he siad out loud that he thought Luke should be the last. Even then, it was because he was worried about losing me.
Needless to say we have had quite a few different nests over the years and sometimes they were overflowing with extra birdies.
Now we are in the process of buying a new nest. This nest for now will be just us. I met Steven in 1980, and march 1st will be the first time we have lived in a house, just the two of us. I am not sad about the "empty" nest, nor do I fool myself into thinking it will last. I am fine if a birdie has a broken wing and needs more nest time, but I am looking forward to being a little "old" couple. (We've been the"odd couple" for quite some time now.) I wonder who will be our slaves?

slush!

2009-01-25T21:13:00.002-07:00

I don't know what the weather was like in Richfield today, on on I-70, but I can tell you that the alternative route I took today through Spanish Fork was not so great! The road was slushy and these big trucks would pass me and cover me in slush. It was starting to make my mood slushy until I realized I was being tense and angry and just slowed down and chilled. It took me 5 1/2 hours to make it back to Zion (St. George) but I made it without taking detours in the ditch. (Unlike severals vehicles I saw on the way)
Luke took a detour with his truck a few days ago (which is why I went to Price a day early) and Steven called a friend and a backhoe to drag the truck out of the tree and rock it was wedged between. Luke is okay, but I sure feel blessed it wasn't worse. Hayden went to rescue him and got his own vehicle stuck. I appreciate Hayden & Emily being there for the 3 college boys who have turned our house into a frat house.
When I walked into the house Friday I was greeted by the Christmas tree that was still up and no clean towels when I wanted to take a shower.
Just like the slush throwing truck drivers, this too is not so important that I need to break all the blood vessels in my eyes.
I am back now in St. George, the temp. is 43 and I have plenty of clean towels!

I am having the time of my life

2009-01-22T20:45:00.002-07:00

I am trying hard not to be suspicious of how much I am loving my new job. I ABSOLUTELY love it. Yes I am ridiculously busy, and yes I have insomnia, but I am having the time of my life.
What is not to love?
First, I am in St. George and it is beautiful AND warm. I really noticed the difference after having to fly 3 times to Iowa in December and the 3rd time I was sick.
Secondly I get to help nice people succeed at a very demanding job and I am really good at it. (Sorry about the lack of humility there)
Third, I love being a cheerleading, motivating, we can do it manager.
My mission statement is: I will make a difference! It probably should be: I will keep having the time of my life!

tell me what you think

2009-01-18T17:01:00.002-07:00

I have been setting goals for atleast 40 years. For the last 30 my main goal has been to be more patient. I especially wanted to be more patient with my kids. Today I sat down to belatedly set some goals and found out that for the first time in so many years my goals have nothing to do with being patient. WHAT? That is so weird. For years I was afraid of the dark and then last February I just wasn't any more. Today I realized I don't have a patience problem with my kids anymore. What the heck? Is that how prayers are answered, you just keep on pushing through and then one day it is removed from your set of problems? You have no idea what a difference it has made in my life to be able to sleep at night. I am interested in everyones thoughts on this.

Be careful what you wish for

2009-01-04T11:58:00.002-07:00

Well someone said to be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.......Here we are! No longer at the crossroads, but diving right in! (Did you know there was a diving board at the crossroads?) Tomorrow morning is a new start for both Steven and me. Brand new careers at the same time. I am not writing today about my new job even though the title of this blog might make you think so. Twenty Nine years ago I prayed (& wished) for a special someone to travel through life with and into eternity. Friday Steven drove clear to St George to support me as I started my part of our new challenges, and right now is on a GREYHOUND BUS to get back to SLC in time to start his new career tomorrow. He has supported me in so many ventures. No matter how full I fill my plate he picks up a fork and helps me finish. (That isn't just a bad analogy, he literally hates it when I waste food! :) ) He has acted in plays when I directed, made programs for miss Utah pageants,participated in every aspect almost of the Miss Carbon County pageant, etc. etc.helped with community theater, training programs, Young women activities, and pretty much everything I have ever done.
So I wished for a Price Charming and got one!

Practice makes passable

2008-12-26T17:55:00.002-07:00

Well I am soooo grateful to the IRS guy for being so hard to deal with, and I am sooo grateful to the Miss America pageant. Let me explain.
I have been trying to become a manager for way too long. I decided it wouldn't happen ever when my boss approached me and asked me to apply. We thought we had jumped through all the appropriate hoops when my boss found out I would need to fly to Iowa and interview with the management group(12 men) and my bosses, bosses, boss. Also, I needed an updated resume within a couple of hours. I was way too freaked out about the resume when I remembered that I had helped Jill Steven with her Miss America resume. The beauty of the Miss America resume is that you formulatee it in a way so that when you are being interviewed it leads the panel of judges to ask what you want to talk about. You give just enough info so that they ask for more. I downloaded Miss America's resume and used it as a pattern for my 12 judge panel interview. Te interview ended up only being with 7 men, and the Miss America thing worked like a charm. When they asked me the questions I had anticipated them asking I found myself thinking,"wow! This crap we teach the contestants really works!" Well, not so with the head cheese. He was not apparently easily led to questions I had anticipated. In fact, about 5 minutes in to the 30 minute interview I realized he reminded me of my IRS experience; absolutely no feedback, emotion or recognizable inquiry. If you remember correctly from my IRS blog, I tend to not respond well when someone doesn't respond. This time, I actually thought to myself," slow down Lori! In fact, shut-up!!!" I listened occaisionally and was sort of bombing when he asked the magic question that I hadn't anticipated but was thrilled to get! "Do you have any questions for me?" It just so happens that I had just watched an episode on bravo that has Elle magazine owner upset that during an interview of a contestant they responded to that question,"no. I think I go it." The owner was outraged and told the camer that the girl should have asked...." You got it, I asked the Big boss what the owner said to ask and he opened right up and actually talked to me! The next time I am audited I am going to ask the dude to tell me where he sees the future of the audit 5 years from now. Oh! I got the job!!!!

Looking fo something?

2008-12-16T18:45:00.002-07:00

Wow! what a week!? Who woulda thunk i could be a calm, composed grandma and mother as my em was being cut open! It wasn't really very real to me through most of the experience. Emily was saying things like," should I feel a bunch of pressure, and that feels weird." i was thinking things like,"Alright already, wheres my new grandbaby, why is this taking so long, and remember, don't touch the blue drape." Then i hear a mans voice say, ok grandma, stand up and look." What? Me? really? I can't touch this stupid paper blue thing but you're going to let me look? Are you sure I won't freak, cause I'm not sure I won't freak. Then Emily asked if everything was alright and I remembered my job was to be in control. So, i stood and looked and expected to see a baby. (That's why Em was worried, because we thought the baby must be out but we couldn't hear a baby cry. Isn't that the worst split second with all births?) Anyway, the baby wasn't out, THEY WERE WAITING FOR ME TO LOOK! Wasn't that cool? (And maybe a little unsettling?) So, when they saw I was looking they plunged what seemed like 12 hands into this HUGE incision that was my precious Em.(Don't think about that Lori, just look) Then there he was, our very own Donavyn, who cares how they spell it, (Steven) and who cares if I only had 4 hours of sleep, he is alive, he is wiggling like crazy, and now he is crying. What a beautiful sound. The most beautiful sound though, was Emily's sweet mommy releif as they held him to her lips so she could kiss him.

2008-12-04T18:35:00.001-07:00

Okay, I am ready to go to the next blog level. (My knees are shaking)
Please send me your blog address so I can add you to my blog list. This is not easy for old dogs to learn new tricks, so be gentle.